Childhood trauma often comes with a long list of side
effects, and many of these do not go away even after the child grows up and
becomes an adult with the traumatic experience long behind them. Depending on
the type of trauma that the child experienced and how they were supported to
cope with and overcome it afterwards, they may have developed a lot of negative
coping mechanisms and strategies from their traumatic childhood that they will
continue to use as an adult. This can often lead to emotional and behavioral
issues in adults that are often a lot harder to deal with and get help for
since most of the world is not equipped to understand the impact of childhood
trauma in adults and most people are unlikely to see the bigger picture.
Anger, for example, is one such unhealthy coping
mechanism that traumatized children may develop which stays with them long into
adulthood. Some people who have experienced childhood trauma will experience
powerful and sometimes explosive anger as a response to various difficulties
that they encounter in their adult life. This may often be accompanied by
intense guilt and shame, depression, anxiety and many other problems. Here are
some of the reasons why adults who experienced trauma as a child will often
experience intense emotional and, in some cases, behavioral problems as adults.
Warped Sense of Interaction with
Others:
As children, our parents and immediate families
provide us with the ‘blueprint’ for adult life. Somebody who grows up in a
relatively healthy family with parents who encourage them to talk about their
emotions and problems, discuss situations, and validate their feelings will
usually continue doing this through adulthood, and as a result tend to have
healthier relationships with others. They will usually have learned healthy
coping mechanisms for their anger as a child and know when getting angry is and
is not appropriate.
On the other hand, a child who has experienced trauma
in their family might have a very warped idea of how they should interact with
others. For example, a child who had a parent who responded with anger to every
little mistake that they made is given this as a blueprint for their own adult
life. Since kids learn their vital skills from the people around them, these
situations teach children that anger is the appropriate response – and in some
cases, a response that works – to all kinds of minor problems.
While adults who have an inappropriate or exaggerated
anger response can certainly learn better coping mechanisms with the help of a
therapist, the best chance of success comes with early intervention in
childhood from professionals such as therapists, social workers and
teachers who can provide children with alternative strategies to the unhealthy
ones that they have learned at home while their brain is still developing.
Strong Sense of Fear:
We all have an inner child. For those who grew up in
healthy and loving families, your inner child might be the part of you that
enjoys playing and having fun, even as an adult. On the other hand, the inner
child of an adult who grew up in an abusive home is much more fearful. Playing
and having fun might not have been main priorities for them as children and
much of their childhood might have been filled with trying to survive and get
by, which can continue long into childhood. Adults who have been abused in
childhood, especially when the abusers were the people who were supposed to
care for them, or when their parents and other key adults did not believe them
or offer any support, will usually take a strong sense of fear with them into
adulthood. As a result, this can impact their friendships, romantic
relationships and even workplace relationships.
It is not uncommon for these people to deal with a
feeling that nobody is safe and feel that they cannot trust anybody to look out
for them or support them, even when it comes to their partner or closest
friends. Because of this, it is no surprise that adults who were abused in
childhood tend to have a higher relationship and marriage failure rate compared
to those who were not.
Burn Out and Exhaustion:
Experiencing continuous abuse at home as a child can
lead to a condition known as complex post-traumatic stress
disorder. This condition differs from post-traumatic stress
disorder in one main way. While PTSD is caused by exposure to one traumatic
event, such as a car accident or natural disaster, C-PTSD is caused when the
victim is exposed to several different traumatic events over a sustained period
of time, such as child abuse in the family home. The impact of this trauma can
be even more significant if the victim is trapped in the situation at the time,
which is often the case with children who are abused.
In adulthood, complex PTSD can impact life in several
different ways. One of the main symptoms that can be debilitating in all
aspects of life is exhaustion and burnout. With this condition, your body and
mind are constantly preparing for the next thing to go wrong. Constant fight or
flight and hypervigilance can leave you completely exhausted, which can impact
personal relationships, work performance and much more.
Inability to Communicate in a Healthy
Way:
Many adults who were abused at home as children never
learned how to communicate in a healthy way. Instead, they often used unhealthy
coping mechanisms to get what they needed as a child. This could be angry
outbursts, withdrawing, overstepping boundaries, or in some cases, fawning and
people-pleasing. Fawning and people-pleasing is often developed as a response
by children who were abused by adults who would withhold basic needs from the
child until they behaved a certain way, leading children to believe that in
order to get their needs met, they need to either behave in a certain way or
provide something to the other person first. This can show up at work, where
employees are unable to say no to requests and end up burning themselves out,
or in romantic relationships where resentment can quickly breed as the person
does not feel that they are equipped to say no to their partner or set
boundaries with them.
Lack of Understanding of Boundaries:
Children who are brought up in abusive households
often do not get the chance to develop any understanding of boundaries.
Boundaries set by the abusive parents or caregivers are often more controlling
than boundary-like, and are more often than not very unreasonable. In addition,
abused children are unlikely to be given the chance to set their own boundaries
with parents or have their boundaries respected.
While there is always some imbalance of power between
a parent and a child, this significant imbalance when it comes to boundaries
can have a serious impact on a person in later life. For example, they may grow
up unable to set boundaries and/or believe that they do not deserve to have
them, which can put them at higher risk of abusive relationships or being taken
advantage of as an adult.
Guilt and Shame:
Many people who experienced abuse and trauma during
their childhoods will grow up internalizing the words and actions of the people
who raised and/or traumatized them as a child. It is not uncommon for adults
who were abused as children to blame themselves for the abuse that happened to
them and any other bad things that happen to them later in life.
If you are currently dealing with this, you are not
alone – studies have found that this is one of the most common problems that
adults who have experienced childhood abuse and trauma face. It is not unusual
for these people to believe that they deserve to be treated more negatively
than others or think that they should have found ways to avoid the trauma that
they went through as a child. Some people will also feel guilty that their trauma
is ‘not as bad’ as that as others and feel shame regarding how they have
reacted to it. In addition, the behavioral issues, such as anger or an
inability to set boundaries with others, can lead to even more shame and guilt
building over one’s life.
How to Get Help:
If you experienced an abusive and/or otherwise
traumatic childhood and can resonate with some of the above, the good news is
that it’s never too late to get help. Even if you were able to access help as a
child through social workers, teachers, therapists and other professionals,
continuing to get the help that is available to you as an adult will help you
mitigate and cope with the negative effects of a traumatic childhood. EMDR therapy or
cognitive behavioral therapy can be very useful for helping you deal with
trauma triggers, learn how to set and respect boundaries, and build better
coping mechanisms for stress. Relationship therapy can also be very helpful if
your trauma has begun to have an impact on your romantic relationship.
The effects of childhood abuse and trauma are not
exclusive to children. Even when you are grown and away from the abusive
situation, the impact of trauma can be long-lasting and devastating.
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